So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
