PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
