I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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