fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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