She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
