I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
