you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize