i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
