its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
