Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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