So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
