3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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