WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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