i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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