I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
