we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
