His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
