You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
