In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
