So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
