Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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