Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
