Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
