my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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