last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize