there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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