I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
