I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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