He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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