what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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