Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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