these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
