Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
