i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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