there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
