The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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