Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize