Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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