I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
