Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
