I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
