Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
