bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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