So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
