why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
