Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
