I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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