I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
