Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
