Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
