Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
