Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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