I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
