well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize