If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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