3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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