I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
