You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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