I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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