Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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