Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
