next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
