Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can text with my tongue
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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