I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
