i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
