I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
