"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
