Don't you send me to vm
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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