so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
