everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
