It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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