I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
