Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
