I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
