My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
