I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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