She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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