I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
