a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
