I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
