Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
