I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
