So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
