It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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