i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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