Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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