dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
