Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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