if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
