It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
